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September 7th, 2009 Photoshop and drawingtablet FireFeathers recently added two new subspecies to her Icarathian species. She hailed one of them, the Silkies, as the most pointless Icars ever. So I told her I could create an even MORE useless subspecies. So here we go! I proudly present my unofficial mock Icar subspecies, a.k.a. the most pointless subspecies ever! Meet the Miniatures! They are species born out of selective breeding. These critters are only found in captivity, and as the name suggests, they are tiny compared to the other subspecies. About the size of a lapdog, these guys are purely bred for show and for companionship. They'd die in the wild. All Miniatures have short legs, short tails, and very parrot-like beaks. While most other domesticated species are bred to have long sleek beaks, the Miniatures are bred to have almost juvenile looking beaks. Apparently this is considered to be cute. Miniatures are greatly valued for their personalities. They don't seem to realize that they are the small Icars on the block, and will fearlessly stand up to larger Icars, chirping away and basically going berserk. Most agree that Miniatures are quite insane, though usually affectionate towards their housemates. The Miniatures further distinguish themselves for coming in various forms. Though they are technically all the same subspecies, three distinct versions are recognized: the Fluffies, the Baldies and the Toughies (in ascending order of uselessness). Fluffies were bred with the idea that more is more. Their coats are often extremely long, to the point of overflowing even the mask. This of course tends to disrupt the sonar, but that is underdeveloped in Miniatures anyway (the short mask tends to squash the sonar organs). Their tails are held up, and have long curly fur covering them. Most Fluffies have floppy ears. The Baldies were bred as the exact opposite of the Fluffies. Less is more. Their name is misleading, most Baldies are in fact not bald at all, but are covered in very short fur. Some however have been bred to the point that they are indeed completely bald. These individuals are considered the crown upon their subspecies. With or without fur, the Baldies are known to have lots of skin problems. They also tend to get chilly very easily, which is why most will sit in a corner shivering, feeling very sorry for themselves. Of all the Miniatures, the Baldies have the best sonar. And finally, the epitome of retardedness: the Toughies. These guys were bred to look like tiny fighting machines. Their stocky bodies look strong and muscular, and their o-legged stance makes them look very broad. In reality, these Icars are truly pathetic. They don't walk, they wobble. Their tails are short, and fixed in an upright position, making it useless as a means of communication. To top it off, most Toughies have a nasty under bite. This version of the Miniatures is literally PLAGUED by health problems due to inbreeding. That's it. Did I manage to beat the Silkies? :) |
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